White coat. Heels.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
