Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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