My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
