Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
