I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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