Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
