We won't sleep together?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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