I cannot find my penis.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
