Yo dont text me then not text me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
