my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
