no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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