Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
