I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
