we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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