How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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