Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
