last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
