rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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