his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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