I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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