my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
