i would punch a child for taco bell
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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