if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
