I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
