weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
