Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
