i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
