i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
