my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
