I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's just like the Real World with babies
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
