he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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