Please, let me fuck your mom
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
