If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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