go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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