it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have aggressive nipples.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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