Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
