So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
