I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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