Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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