my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
