and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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