how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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