"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
