Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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