help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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