I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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