I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
