it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
