I faked an abortion last night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
