You work out of a Hotel?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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