I just cut my nipple shaving
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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