Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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