Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think a kid would responsible me up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
