I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
