I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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