so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
