with your own penis?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
