bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
