It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
