I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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