I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
